Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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