I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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