I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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