My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
