Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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