apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
