We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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