He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
