Screwed.edu
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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