Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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