There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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