Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
