She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
