I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
