I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
His hands were made for my vagina.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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