the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
