a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
