her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
