he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
