you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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