Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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