Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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