You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize