i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
