I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
