he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
