the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
