I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
