The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
