shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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