My friends, they love my intelligence
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
