I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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