I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
