how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
