Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I want to be your penis for a week.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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