it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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