I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
