I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i would punch a child for taco bell
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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