its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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