Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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