Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
