i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
