And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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