and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
