Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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