Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
