I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
ttyl tear gas
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
