one two three fourrrrnication!
Someone shit on the floor
there's paper in my vomit.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
