Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
