wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Im part way to drunk.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
