I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
