I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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