Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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