Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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