those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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