Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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