I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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