Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Drake has all the answers
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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