mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
