So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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