Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
