K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
