It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
