just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
