It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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