Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
