never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
