it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
