Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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