They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
