She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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