see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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